A Love Affair

"This world has nothing for me."

As many of you probably know, this is a line from a popular worship song (with a great video) called "Rescue" by Desperation Band. I really love the song, I really love the line, and I really wish that I believed it.

I'm not saying that I don't think it's true; I'm saying that I wish I believed it. 

Confused? Well let me explain: I know that when I die, the only things that will matter are the things that I've done for Jesus—everything else will fade away—but I don't live my life this way. I'm caught in this horrible predicament of loving God and loving the world, and I doubt there's a more terrifying or unfulfilling place to be. 

It frustrates me because sometimes I am ON FIRE for God. Over the summer, I had an amazing experience coaching at an FCA camp, and I came back home passionate and spiritually-renewed; all I wanted to do was pray, worship, and read my Bible. I had big plans to start Bible studies and plan youth group events and witness to my friends and lead a life wholly dedicated to bringing glory to Jesus' name. I was firmly set on living for Christ and never turning back.

But soon those aspirations were superseded by a whole new set of longings and desires. It was my last month of summer and I wanted to have fun. I obsessed over how I looked and what people thought of me, and soon the Bible verses on my Facebook page were replaced by quotes from Daniel Tosh, I put down the New Testament and picked up People Magazine, and I traded in Hillsong United for Jam'n 94.5. 

If any of you have been where I am, you know how frustrating it is. I know that when I'm standing before Jesus, popularity and prosperity won't matter, but I strive for them anyways.

Galatians 5:19-21 says, "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."

I've had to memorize this verse for school, and I practically know it by heart, so why do I ignore it? I have no excuse; I know what the Bible says and I know what's demanded of me. I mean, this verse states as clearly as possible that if we are living in sin then we are not alive in Christ. The Apostle Paul is not ambiguous here and he holds nothing back. He writes it concisely and powerfully: If we live like this, we will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

So why do I still sin? Why do I still gossip about who broke up with who? Why do I still judge people that I have never taken the chance to get to know? Why do I still want to do good things so I can bring glory to MY name, and not to the name of Jesus?

Why am I still enticed by the empty calories that Bud Light commercials are offering me? I mean, I wrote an entry on why I don't drink just last month, but it has still been hard for me to say no to alcohol since then. I have some friends who have no desire to drink and aren't tempted at all by the freedom to shed their shyness and insecurity and run out to the middle of the dance floor and do the Dougie. I honestly wish that it was that easy for me to say "no," but it's not. It's difficult for me to turn down a rum and coke when everyone around me seems to be having a grand ole drunken time.

In James 4:4, we are warned, "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."

God can't associate with sin because it's against his very nature. We need to stop looking at sin as simply us doing something wrong and realize that it's a personal smite against our Savior. We never think of ourselves as God’s enemies—that’s Satan’s role—but when we are working with the world, we are fighting against the will of God.

When we sin, we forget who we are hurting. We lose sight of the cross and the pain that Jesus suffered simply because he loves us. We take his grace for granted. 

Too often, I play the grace card. I figure that God will forgive me and that it's really not a big deal if I laugh at a "That's what she said!" joke or tell a white lie to get out of trouble. But the truth is, God demands holiness from us. He's not okay with us just giving Him Sunday mornings and thirty seconds before meals. All of our time, energy, talent, and heart should be His. It's not like tithing; 10% doesn't cut it.

We're all human and will never be perfect. We'll always have our struggles and our sinful desires, but we need to stop condoning our actions. Of course it is easier to only think about ourselves and do what we want to do, but that doesn't mean that it's okay. We need to strive for holiness.

Revelation 3:16 says, "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Basically, we're like sour milk to Jesus. We make him sick. He'd rather we were one way or the other, instead of straddling the fence between Him and sin. We can't serve two masters, but we try to anyway. 

I know that it’s a bit cliché to say that we are the “Bride of Christ,” but it’s a good metaphor. It’s as if we have this amazing husband who is always patient and loving, who doesn’t yell at us or belittle us, who offers us comfort and encouragement when we are struggling, and then we go out and cheat on him with some jerky guy we meet at the gym. Every time we sin, we are cheating on Jesus. It sounds strange, I know, but it’s true. If we are really, truly, in love with Jesus Christ, then we wouldn’t even want to search for anything else; Jesus would satisfy all our desires.

I think I love Jesus. I love to talk with him and sing to him and read His Word, and I know that He is always there for me when nobody else is. But if I truly love Jesus, then why do I cheat on him over and over again, every single day? Why do I search for happiness from friends and guys and success and popularity? If I truly love Jesus, then why do I take advantage of his unfailing love and never-ending grace? Why do I behave in ways that push him farther and farther away? Why do I continue to hurt him?

If I truly love Jesus, then why do I still lust after the world?